ABC of teamwork: X is for Xenial

Business

According to various sources, xenial means to be hospitable, especially when visiting strangers or guests. So why would most of us never think of being rude to a stranger, but we can sometimes be very harsh with those closest to us? This not only applies to our family and friends, but we can also be very critical and snapping at our co-workers.

It is important to have a work environment where everyone feels safe to express their opinions and views, but it is also necessary to do so in a way that is not offensive. Some let their guard down and are more forthcoming with those in our “inner circle,” but that usually doesn’t do much good if you say things to put others on the defensive. It is not always what is said but also how the message is delivered. Hiding behind text messages and emails can reduce conflict in the eyes of the sender, but it has been shown many times that these forms of communication actually create more problems than meeting face-to-face. Body language, tone and inflection all play separate communications.

Also, certain things that were common years ago now seem to be unique and other things that were taboo are now acceptable. When someone opens a door for someone else, gives up their seat on a bus or train, or sends a handwritten thank you, it’s a nice surprise. Shouldn’t it be something everyday? Usage in normal conversation used to be considered unacceptable, but now it happens even in formal business meetings, advertisements, and TV shows. How did we get so far off course in a respectable way?

Needless to say, all of this affects the workplace, especially if several different generations are on the same team. The younger generation using may offend an older person as an example. It is important to periodically review with the entire team what the expectations are not only with the assignment of work but also how each member of the team should be treated and respected. Leaders may be hesitant to comment on the behavior and communication style of a particular team member, but over time this can create animosity between others and also create factions within the team.

Another thing to consider is being present. If you are interacting with a stranger, chances are you are paying close attention. However, sometimes we take people for granted as we become more comfortable with them. This can translate to being late for meetings, concentrating more on your cell phone than the conversation, or simply being completely disconnected from others. I recently witnessed this with a group I was facilitating. Some were really trying to cheer the team on, but some weren’t just “in the fog” but sometimes even clashing, which was weird considering they didn’t really know what was going on. Not only did the product of the work suffer, but also the morale of the team.

If everyone treated each other like they would a stranger, hopefully there would be more open dialogue, fewer conflicts, and more team engagement. If sometimes this does not happen, it is necessary to act quickly.

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