Parental alienation refers to the variety of behaviors and actions; either conscious or unconscious, leading to creating an imbalance in the relationship between a child and the parent. The unfortunate dynamics often lead to scenarios in which access to the child, for the rejected parent, becomes difficult or almost impossible.
Research shows that such feelings of aversion can stem from experiences of vile behavior in which the parent may have been involved toward the child. In addition, the raising of the alienating father himself plays an important role in determining whether he will become one of his children. Alienation of parents almost always occurs with broken families, that is, parents who are divorced or living apart.
Usually, it is the mother who takes the children away from the father.
Parental alienation at its core is a psychological problem. Researchers at some of the leading universities and institutes have spent countless hours trying to find some characteristics found in parents that act in alienating ways. The following two are major issues that often encompass everything else:
People with personality disorders are more likely to become alienating from their children. Unfortunately, this leads them to develop a narcissistic or paranoid orientation in relation to interactions and relationships with other people, including their children. These relationships are characterized by a compelling need for individual identification, rather than mutual appreciation and enjoyment of differences and similarities. Therefore, when even their own children disagree, narcissistic and paranoid people feel abandoned, betrayed, and often become furious.
Some alienating parents grew up in families in which there is unresolved or unrecognized grief as a result of traumatic losses or serious but unrecognized emotional deprivation, usually in the form of a lack of empathy and affection. Interestingly, the alienating parents were either favorite children or were overly pleased or idealized as children, leading them to become overly full of themselves and not empathetic to those around them. Consequently, when these overly idealized children grow up to be parents in their own right, most of the time, they view their own blood as a competition with their own swollen ego and personalities.
Child custody issues in divorced families are often the main catalyst for parental alienation to emerge. A bad divorce leads both parents to fight to keep custody of their children. Mothers frequently abuse their children by denying them access to their fathers. Each of them undertakes actions that force the child to make decisions that are not easy to make. Often the child is brainwashed to the point that he begins to hate one or even both parents. Whoever of the parents is victorious in this unfortunate farce, becomes the winner and the other is alienated. Typically, a mother projects her guilt for causing the breakup (about 80% of divorces are initiated by the wife) onto the child and uses the child as a weapon to try to hurt the father.
Despite the fact that parental alienation is a very serious problem, the courts and social workers have been reluctant to take the problem seriously. However, there are still some steps that, if taken with the best of intentions, can help resolve the underlying issues.
Parents must be willing to accept that there is a problem and speak to specialists and counselors who can help resolve conflicts.
Parents who fight must understand that it is the child who must preserve their best interests, and not theirs.
Avoid adding fuel to the fire of alienation at all costs.
Be proactive in finding solutions that you can both agree on.
Parental alienation is never easy, but there is much hope for those who take the right path and follow what has worked for others in similar situations.
Unfortunately it is a difficult subject to discuss because it forces us to examine the “sacred cow” of the mother who knows best and is the best guardian of children. Once we break down this barrier, we find that mothers are often unfit for purpose and the child would be better off in the custody of the father. Until the courts and child protective services (sic) acknowledge their failures, the situation will continue and children will be alienated from their parents and their rights trampled on, all sacrificed to the goddess of sacred motherhood.