midlife crisis in men

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The last decades of the 20th century have seen the glorification and worship of Youth Culture. The ubiquitous Yuppies have taken the world by storm. They are knowledgeable, incredibly dynamic, prodigiously intelligent, powerful, and ambitious. This coupled with the sexual revolution, the obsession with male and female beauty, the various nuances of feminism and the instant spread of information, has caused a “cultural earthquake” that has endowed the broad layer of middle-aged people with a feeling of insecurity. Midlife crisis as a disease in men has been recognized since the 20th century.

Carl Jung in his book “Modern Man in Search of His Soul” compares the phases of life to the progress of the sun through the heavens, from east to west. He places middle age between the ages of 35 to 50, and calls it the Noon of one’s existence. It can be an exciting time of life with great opportunities, if people are not terrified of the aging process. It must be received as a period of discovery, and not as a time of stagnation or disintegration. It demands changes in lifestyles, character and beliefs. Immature responses give way to sound decisions. The transition period lasts what is needed to reorient life and order values. It can be anything between three and five years.

Being aware of the changes that can occur in men and women, one needs to be psychologically prepared and recognize the symptoms when they occur, in order to avoid a turbulent crisis.
“People who prepare for a fire are more likely to survive than those who don’t,” said a wise man. And the British psychoanalyst Elliot Jacques assures us that creative people like Goethe, Beethoven, Voltaire, and Ibsen have all gone through midlife upheavals.

But for those unprepared, middle age can catch them off guard. One fine day, on his brisk morning walk, a man may discover that other young men have caught up with him and that he simply cannot catch up with them; Or his mirror may reveal telltale graying at the temples or a receding hairline; Or when the kids on the street insist on calling him “Uncle,” he suddenly realizes that the Big “C” has arrived. A man who has prided himself on his “macho” image reacts like a person facing imminent death. He goes through the different stages of denial, anger, depression and finds ways and means to slow down the aging process. Sudden heart attacks triggered by extreme anxiety are known to increase in the early forties.

A drop in the hormonal level and a decrease in sexual vigor creates a kind of desperation that makes you behave out of character. He may become overly tedious with grooming himself, wearing extravagant clothes, investing in a flashy car, or even enjoying teenage activities like clubbing. This is a time when he can fall headlong into an extramarital affair with a girl young enough to be his daughter, because her admiration for him and need for him increases his sagging self-esteem. This is the classic “Sugar-Daddy” syndrome, where through the eyes of nubile girls he feels young again. He becomes immune to the giggles of those around him. He perceives his married life as boring and monotonous. Almost 25% of divorces occur in this critical period. Spouses are injured and families disintegrate due to this blatant violation of sexual fidelity. As the heat of the affair fades, he realizes that his marriage is irretrievably broken and he has nowhere to run for solace. And so he may go from one thing to another, or resort to drink or drugs to calm his downhearted spirit.

Bergler calls it “Second Emotional Adolescence.” Sometimes a middle-aged man can become sexually aware of his own teenage daughter. Then he is bothered by self-hatred, remorse, shame, and guilt.

Those who remain in a marriage may find little satisfaction. They can become moody and irritable, and spoil the peaceful atmosphere at home, messing with their poor wives through no fault of their own.

This is also a stage in which man feels trapped between two generations, each of which imposes a responsibility on him. Growing children, on the one hand, who want to assert their own independence and have difficulty relating to parents, and dependent elderly family members, on the other, who crave constant attention.

At work, professional life may be stagnant, with no prospect of further promotions; Or you may be burdened with so much responsibility that you leave no time for family and personal life; Or the competition from younger, knowledgeable and creative colleagues may be so fierce that you are kept under constant stress.

And finally, he faces his own mortality. Arthritis, bifocals, diabetes, hypertension and other diseases make life uncomfortable.

Several stress factors come together in a middle-aged man, so much so that it has been estimated that almost 75-80% of men between 35-50 years old suffer from middle-aged problems in this century.

Transitions can be positive when planned properly. According to Freud, man has two basic needs: work and love, and Dr. Joyce Brothers says that work takes precedence over love.

This is the time for a man to review and review the goals he has set for himself. If he has been a workaholic, he should slow down and spend quality time with his wife and children. He may sometimes discover, to his dismay, that it is already too late to forge a meaningful relationship with his children. They may no longer be on the same wavelength. They may even look askance at his sudden interest in them.

If there is an urgency to change jobs, this should be well planned and discussed with your family, as you will need their moral support. Many middle-aged people feel an inner compulsion to throw away the security of a steady job for something they’ve wanted to do all along, but were afraid to do. Many writers and artists feel this need. Doctors have given up lucrative jobs to wield the pen. Gaugin at age 35, left a secure bank job to pursue painting. He later became a great impressionist painter.

Another great way to insure midlife against a turbulent crisis is to build a strong marital relationship. Contemporary culture has devalued the institution of marriage and sexual fidelity. However, most of the ills of society can be attributed to unhappy and unstable family situations.

“Good marriages don’t happen at the wedding ceremony. They develop over the years, through long hours of doubt and despair, adjustments and compromises,” says a psychologist. This reaches its maximum in middle age, when the stress of one or both members of the couple affects each other. The strength of a marriage lies in the ability to understand a partner’s negativity and deal with it patiently. A wife will not only understand her husband’s problem but she will listen to him, encourage him to talk about her hopes and aspirations, and assess and redefine her values ​​if necessary. The man who feels secure in marriage will not hesitate to communicate his needs and his fears to his spouse. Similarly, a husband will be a tower of strength for his wife who may be going through a midlife crisis.

Various fears take hold of a man in middle age. Fear of powerlessness and failure
the erection creates anxiety, mood swings, and sometimes a silent withdrawal from sex. Aging can decrease the frequency of your sexual needs. He begins to fear that his wife may develop an interest in other men. The media projects modern women as insatiable, and this in turn inhibits it. Extramarital affairs to save her own image are signs of marriage malfunction. A good wife will not remain complacent. She will understand the turmoil within her husband and will rush to put him at ease with her support and cooperation. It’s not sex that drives a man away, it’s the lack of intimacy. If an affair develops during this critical period, it does not mean that the marriage has to end. Couples who love each other deeply are willing to forgive, especially when the offending partner is remorseful and ashamed of what happened. The discovery of the affair will rob her of glamor and excitement, and will act as an unearthed future. It is more important to find out the cause of the infidelity and remedy it.

Sex life does not stop in the middle of life. On the contrary, it improves, because there is a new release of inhibitions. Couples are able to discuss intimate aspects of the relationship without shame. Only the rhythm and pattern can change. In youth, a man climaxes within minutes, and many wives are left frustrated and sexually dissatisfied. But in middle age, when arousal is slow and the erectile response weakens, a woman will have plenty of opportunity to climax with her husband, because she spends more time on foreplay and tenderness. A verbal expression of feelings for each other, a hug or a touch can generate physical satisfaction, more than the act itself. A “sexual revolution” is possible even at this age. Couples who value their sexual activity discover new aspects of each other and can choose sexual practices to experiment with. A sense of humor and the freedom to explore can keep a couple sexually active well into old age. Comedian Woody Allen, the aging Casanova, says that out of 56 sex positions, only eight can be achieved without laughing.

Middle age also sees a slight alteration in individual roles. A man softens as he ages. Having reached the top of his career, he now yearns for closeness with his wife and his family. He expects his wife to behave like a friend, loving and caring. However, a wife who has spent her best years caring for her family, sacrificing her own needs, now becomes confident and assertive, and wants her own room to grow. She can even look for career options outside of her home. As she becomes more assertive, her husband becomes less domineering. As her latent masculine traits surface, feminine aspects such as sensitivity and tenderness come to the fore in her husband. This achieves a new balance of roles in all aspects of their lives. Values ​​and convictions change. They are interested in new friends and new pleasure activities.

Middle age can be a very special time. It opens our eyes to areas of our life that we have not lived satisfactorily and gives us the opportunity to reorient our personality. With an understanding partner by our side, who is not only our best friend but deeply committed to the marriage, middle age should never be feared.

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