There is a lot of information out there about soul mates and a lot of it is contradictory, like on any topic. It is difficult to have a solid understanding that can serve us when we try to know what these sincere connections mean in our lives.
The fairy tale version is that there is someone special who is made just for you and when you find them, your life will finally be complete. Your expectation is that when you meet your soulmate, life goes smoothly; They will be madly in love and will support each other in their search for a better life. It’s the kind of love story that movies are made about. This is why we love romantic comedies so much. That’s why we love fairy tales.
There is another belief system that tells us that we have many different soul mates and not all of them are romantic or sexual in nature. A soulmate can be a best friend, a family member, or a lover. And… there are many soul mates in a life that we will cross paths with.
For the sake of this exploration I would like to stick to the theme of the romantic chemistry that leads us to believe that we have found a soul mate. He or she is the ONE! When with this person we believe that all our prayers have been answered, our dreams come true, we have finally found our partner. No one we’ve been with has affected us like this person. We have never felt so “in love”, so crazy about anyone in our lives.
The problem with meeting this type of soul mate is that when we’re crazy about someone, the emphasis is stronger on the “crazy” part. Instead of feeling calm, centered, balanced, sure of ourselves, confident, and on top of the world, we often experience the opposite. We are unbalanced, confused, unsure of ourselves, and struggling with our feelings of self-worth. We can’t help but wonder why we feel so small in light of greatness, or this person who seemed so great at first.
We hang in there with him or her in the hope of overcoming difficulties and finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the promise of true love and marital bliss. But the longer we hang in there, the more our self-esteem erodes and the further into the darkness we seem to spiral.
This is Love? Is this the soulmate connection? What is?
Although some are lucky enough to meet someone with whom they truly feel a positive love bond and their relationships are harmonious and inspiring, others find that their soulmate relationships end up being the most troubled and challenging relationships they have ever experienced. They feel the most pain and misery. The promise of a dream come true gives way to the worst nightmare. Mr. Right becomes Mr. Wrong. The Prince turns into a toad. Snow White becomes the evil stepmother.
How do we fool ourselves into believing that the person we have fallen madly in love with is our soul mate? And why is it so hard for us to let go?
I think there really may be a soulmate connection there. We feel a deep soul bond with this person, even if the relationship has turned ugly and we feel very mistreated, even abused. The reason for this is Karmic Resolution.
The soul mate theory is based on a belief in past lives, that we have been together before and somehow recognize each other again in this life. It may seem like we know the person and there is an immediate connection. The question is “how did we meet that person before?” Was he or she someone we loved very much, a beloved husband, wife, or lover? Or is it possible that this person was someone you hurt in the past who hurt you this time to balance the karmic scale? It is possible that this person has abused you in the past and you have brought them into your life to abuse you again so that you can learn to say “No” to abuse.
Is this person someone with whom there may have been a true love bond for lifetimes, but this lifetime has hurt him so deep that he doesn’t know how to open his heart and let love in? And as much as you try to love and help them, you end up being the one who gets hurt because they can’t truly love you in return.
Could it be that you had a soul contract with someone you agreed to meet in this life to learn some important life lessons? Your lesson may be learning to love yourself more in the face of someone who can’t seem to love you. Or it could be learning to honor and respect yourself in light of someone who does not honor you. An important aspect of your soul growth could be at stake here.
Finding a soulmate does not necessarily mean finding the love of your life, the one you are perfectly designed to be with and who is perfectly designed for you. It can be more like enrolling in a difficult course or going through a powerful initiation. It can be painful beyond words because the lessons brought into your life to teach you are difficult. These are lessons that you may not want to learn and are very resistant to. On the same hand, the soul mate may have even greater resistance to the lessons you have come to teach them. They can run fast and far and do everything in their power to avoid seeing the truth that is right in front of them. You may be someone unable to commit to the path of love because you learned at a young age that love hurts; that is why they protect their heart with many walls of defense. No matter how much love you give them, you cannot break down their walls.
Soulmates can come into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Of one thing we can be sure. When we meet a soulmate we will never be the same again. They have the power to awaken something within us that we cannot go back to sleep, even if we want to. We can move on, leave them behind, stay behind and force ourselves to go on without them, but they will always be a part of us. In its wake, we may have to learn the lessons of forgiveness, letting go, and loving ourselves in ways we never realized were possible. We may need to learn how loving someone sometimes means letting them go. And although we learn to let go, we never forget them and the impact they had on our lives.
The lover with whom we do not have intense chemistry can be the most harmonious relationship of all, but we will need to go beyond the desire for intense chemical attraction. Intense romantic or sexual chemistry can equal an intense and unstable emotional relationship. It can be heady and exciting at first, but sooner or later it will give way to something that throws us completely off balance. The intensity is there for a reason.
So instead of looking for someone who will rock your world, it might be smart to look for someone who will calm your emotional sea and make you feel comfortable. This is a much better ingredient for lasting love with someone you can count on to be there for you long term.
