I was in the company of three naughty cousins when we met a charming young woman whom they claimed was a childhood friend. I hadn’t met her before, so I started asking general questions in my quest to get to know her better. One of my cousins interrupted our conversation, jokingly asking if he was available because he wanted a woman to settle down with.
She quickly replied that she was off limits, taken, and absolutely committed. With a twinkle in her eye, she raised her left arm to display a dazzling ring on her middle finger. With the seriousness with which she responded, I thought that she was actually married at least traditionally.
Interested, I asked her if she was married because I felt she was too young. She told me that her boyfriend had not yet done the necessary traditional rights that would make him claim her but “he had promised.” I was surprised at how completely she had believed in her promise without considering the possibility that the knight might break it.
Before I could utter a word, the notorious young men in my company unanimously broke out in a popular song of praise. “He has promised that he will never fail, I will adore him, I will adore him. He has promised that he will never fail, his faithfulness is forever, his faithfulness is forever.” We all laughed and the boys continued to make fun of her. She got upset and told the young people that they didn’t know what was going on.
She added that they were jealous and vehemently defended her boyfriend’s undying love for her. I don’t know how the story will end, but I do pray that it ends happily ever after and that the knight keeps her “promise of hers” to walk her down the aisle. Although I found it funny at the time, I know it won’t be a funny situation if her boyfriend breaks her promise.
When I was receiving marriage counseling, my husband and I were so sure that we would definitely end up together. We had made up our minds and gone through all the necessary processes. There were only a few days left and all we had to do was the traditional marriage ceremony followed by the actual wedding. The knocking ceremony was out of the way, it had been announced at the church and the invitations had already been sent out.
One day during counseling, the wise priest made it clear to us that until we were declared husband and wife after exchanging our wedding vows, either of us could change our minds. We were surprised because none of us had considered changing our minds, or was I wrong? As if he answered my question, my husband told the priest that he was not going to change his mind.
I also told him that I wasn’t planning on changing my mind. She smiled at us and gave us examples of couples whose partners changed their minds within days of their wedding. Some had made announcements in the church and had already sent out invitations. However, some were left alone at the altar. The sweet promises they had made to each other lay broken before their very eyes. From that moment on, it was in the back of my mind that anything could happen on the way down the aisle.
A popular Boyz II Men song captured the hearts of many back in the day, as its lyrics promised endless love. “I swear (I swear) by the moon and the stars in the sky that I’ll be there (I’ll be there) I swear (and I swear) like the shadow that’s by your side there I’ll be (I’ll be) I’ll be there) for better or for wrong (for better or worse) till death do us part I will love you with every beat of my heart and I swear I swear I swear If you know this song I’m sure you’re already singing it, that is if you remember the words.
Who wouldn’t want such sweet words backed by promises until death do us part? However, it is safer to believe such words at the conjugal altar where it is said before a multitude of witnesses and before God. Promises are beautiful but they can be broken. In fact, they usually break. Can’t you remember a time when you were so sure of keeping a promise but were surprised to break it? In other words, adding weight to a promise when using it will not make it true.
Numbers 23:19 tells us that God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. He Has said he, and he will not? Or has he said he, and he will not comply? That means that a man or a woman can lie or change their mind, only God does not break his promises to his children. He is the only one who stands out for actually doing what he says he will do. King David said of the Lord in Psalm 138 verse 2 “For you have magnified your word above all your name.”
That is why Jesus warns us in Matthew 5:33-37 “Do not swear at all, neither by heaven, for it is God’s throne, nor by earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And don’t take an oath by your head, because you can’t make a hair white or black. That what you say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this is from evil.
It is not uncommon to see many single women wearing promise rings from their lovers who promise to marry them in the future. Some even wear it on their wedding ring finger to deter other suitors. What a dangerous thing to do! What if the promise is broken and all the good men who thought you were married didn’t dare approach you? What if a man who could have made you happy passed you on to the next single woman with no ring on his finger?
Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 says, “When you make a vow to God, do not delay in paying it, for he takes no pleasure in fools; pay what you promise. It is better not to promise than to promise and not pay.” This verse shows our fallibility as human beings and reiterates that it is better not to make a vow or promise than to make it and not keep our end of the bargain. If we as humans are capable of breaking our vows to God Himself despite the repercussions, isn’t it easier to break the promises we make to our fellow human beings?
After all, there are so many excuses that can be appropriately used to break a promise to a partner. By applying clever excuses like my mom doesn’t like you, the promise breaker gets out of the way. Some even tell their partner that their parents do not agree with tribal differences or that they had a vivid dream revealing their ruin if they married.
I am not casting a negative light on making promises we intend to keep, but rather on broken promises that have left many women broken. Sometimes heartbreak and disappointment are not deliberately planned. A man can be serious the moment he promises heaven on earth. However, let us not forget Numbers 23:19 which reveals how man is prone to change his mind. Momentary feelings can be fickle, and trusting them completely can spell doom.
In the world of love and romance, men will continue to make promises to women. Some will keep these promises while others will break them for one reason or another. Women will also continue to engage with men who have not taken serious steps to marry them. It is up to us to keep in mind that promises made by man can be broken unlike promises made by God.
With this understanding, we can pray to God to allow his will for our lives to come to pass. Reminding him of the promises he makes to us in his word and the fact that he cannot lie. In that way, we challenge him to grant us the desires of our hearts. Promise rings are beautiful symbols of love and many find them attractive. But the invisible seal of constant prayer on a bare-fingered single woman is better than a token promise that can be broken.
When a single woman’s fingers in a relationship are left bare, her man knows he’s attracting others who may be quicker to keep their promises with no signs of delay. He prepares to quickly claim the woman he loves. The woman who constantly prays to God to fulfill her wish for her life has nothing to prove to the world. God makes sure to prove to the world around her that he is a God who does not lie.
