One of the hardest things my wife and I encountered with our first child was the separation anxiety from those first few times at daycare. I have to say that we also made several if not all of the mistakes listed below!
I wish there was some way to explain to our young children that when we have to leave them in a strange place with other strangers it hurts as much as it hurts and scares them, sometimes we parents feel it even more!
As much as separation anxiety or leaving your child, even for a while, can really hurt and our child may seem devastated, caregivers are really telling the truth when they tell you that they only cried for a few minutes and then had a great day. ! Of course, sometimes it’s a different story, but for the most part, it always ends well and our own behavior plays a big part in how they deal with the breakup.
Read the tips below and see how it goes for you!
1. Take charge and stay in control!
This is your number one priority! Needless to say, you will feel scared, worried, worried, or emotional just as much as they do. However, you cannot show this emotion as it will make your little kids’ fears go away immediately!
What worked for us was really talking about how much fun they were going to have and how sorry we were to miss it!
2. The art of goodbye
The worst thing you can do is drag out the goodbye with lots of extra hugs and kisses and just generally lingering to “make sure they’re okay.”
This tells your child that you are also a little worried about him and his surroundings, which again will not allow him to settle in comfortably.
All you need to do is give them a hug and a kiss and confidently tell them you’re leaving now, you’ll be back soon, and have a great day.
I have seen many parents try to use the “quick escape” approach. This is when you wait for your toddler to look away or pick up a toy and then quickly scurry away while he’s distracted. Your son is not stupid and sooner than later he will notice that you have gone and you have left him alone without saying goodbye. This breeds mistrust faster than anything else.
3. Socializing is very relaxing
It is much easier to leave your child in the hands of familiar and trusted people.
Socialize whenever possible with the caretakers in the daycare at the little windows found in pick up and drop off or throughout the center, family fun days are invaluable for breaking the ice and getting to know both teachers and parents from other children.
If possible, try to arrange some play dates with the other children in your child’s class outside of the center. This will allow them to see more familiar faces when you drop them off and you might as well make some new friends.
4. Befriend the teacher
You have just left your most precious and loved possession! Doesn’t it make a lot of sense to try to make friends and build a relationship between you and your toddler’s teacher or caregiver? They do not have to conquer you and in fact it is the other way around.
Being friends with the teacher will ensure that your child picks up the positive vibes and, as a result, trusts him as well.
Also, you will always hear more details about their day, any problems they may have had, and you will be much more successful in setting up meetings or time to see them to talk about your child.
5. Be on time
We’ve already discussed how long goodbyes can cause separation anxiety, but a late pickup can do just as much damage.
Your child, just like every other child in that room, will always look toward the door with anticipation to see whose mom or dad has come to pick them up every time it opens.
Just like being picked last for school sports teams, being last standing is terrible, especially if it happens regularly. As far as possible try to be on time for pickup and try not to leave them to the end too often.
Separation anxiety is just another challenge on the road to parenthood, but with the right strategies and helpful tips, you’ll get through it with flying colors and move on to your next terrible challenge of two (or 3, 4, and more!).
