An integral part of many marriages seems to be an irritating, annoying, or cold mother-in-law. I agree that there are some psychotic mothers-in-law that you should stay away from. However, don’t be too quick to diagnose your mother-in-law as psychotic. For the most part, they really do love their child, and therefore deep down they also love you, the spouse. It is only jealousy, misunderstanding or fear that hides this love.
However, here are some steps you can take to make your relationship with your mother-in-law better and even more enjoyable. It takes work but it sure is worth the effort.
- Talk to her regularly. When you talk to her once or twice a week on a consistent basis, she won’t be afraid that you “want something” from her and that you’re just talking to her to “cheer her up.” At first keep conversations very light.
- LISTEN. LISTEN. LISTEN. Listen to what she likes and what annoys her. After hearing what she likes if you don’t know anything about it “Google her” so the next time you talk to her you will connect with her easily.
- Invite her to do things HER he likes to do After learning about her likes and interests, invite her to do some of these things. If she likes to go out to eat, take her to a restaurant. If she likes going to the movies, take her to the movies one afternoon.
- Ask him to do something YOU like to do. As long as she doesn’t shy away from doing something that interests you, anything you do together is an act of bonding. (Of course, if it’s the husband who’s trying to meet her mother-in-law, then he has to get creative here. She probably won’t appreciate an invitation to watch a football game over a beer!)
Remember that your mother-in-law is the mother of your spouse and part of the family whether you like it or not. Cutting ties with her completely, while it may be a very attractive thought, is very difficult and can cause a lot of pain and trouble “down the road.” Therefore, it is in YOUR best interest to do everything reasonably possible to establish that connection, now and in the future.
You will see that under that annoying and irritating skin hides a lady who really wants your good.
