Most of the time, when people mention amorous sex, they assume it’s so good that it’s almost mind-blowing. They assume it has to be this good to be worth the risk. Many spouses who have someone cheating on them also make this assumption, even if their spouse does everything in their power to insist that this is not true.
For example, you may hear a conversation like this: “My husband is trying to claim that his affair was not about sex. In fact, he insists that the sex was not good. He says that sex is better with me and the other woman. he didn’t really know what he liked. But he says the point of the affair was never about sex. Supposedly he was attracted to her because she listened to him and supported him, or so he says. I think he only says this because he doesn’t want to That I have complexes about sex if we stay together. Everyone knows that loving sex is good, right? “
Well, everyone assumes this. But I’ve had people comment that her affair was definitely not about sex, just like this husband. Many of them say that the adventure was more about excitement, emotional attachment and support, and having someone who seems to appreciate them without expectations.
For example, a husband might say, “When people see the other woman, they always assume that I was only in it for the sex. I wasn’t. I won’t say we didn’t have sex because we did.” But that was never the appeal for me. I’ve been friends with the other woman for a long time. I made some bad investments that meant I had to cut back on my expenses. This caused my wife to treat me differently. angry and was always making sarcastic comments about me. The other woman is not like that. He is happy to go for a picnic and talk. She doesn’t expect me to buy her things and she doesn’t want to. She’s happy just with me. It’s a huge relief when compared to my wife’s expectations. “
I hear a lot of these kinds of comments. And I hear them from people who have no reason to lie to me. I do not know their spouses, so I cannot speak highly of them. They just want to vent their feelings on someone, which is often the reason they had an affair in the first place.
And I’m not saying that this excuses them. There are no excuses. But I think that emotion-based love affairs are just as dangerous, if not more so, than sex-based love affairs. Anytime your spouse gets someone else to meet your marital needs, that’s a problem.
But many therapists and professions will tell you that an affair is much more than just sex. I am not a professional, but I certainly do. Sex is only one aspect of the relationship, but it is certainly not the only aspect.
Many people cannot believe that a man would risk his marriage or family for bad sex. The point is, sex is not your reward. Your reward is meeting your emotional needs. His reward is the fact that the other woman doesn’t make him feel pressured. She makes him feel relevant again.
Now, is this reality? Definitely not. If the affair continues, it is very likely that the other woman will develop expectations over time. People love to think that their partner doesn’t want anything from them or has no expectations or demands. But it is not realistic to expect that things will always be this way. The more serious and lasting the relationship, the more expectations there will be.
And then this happens, the husband often loses interest because he can get the expectations at home without much trouble.
Of course, the original question was about sex, so let’s get back to that. Many people will tell you that loving sex is wonderful and some of them actually believe it. But most people will tell you that sex with the same person over time (like your spouse) is also good sex because that person knows you. They know what you like and what you don’t like. You have likely adjusted your long-term physical connection.
The person in the matter cannot say this. The relationship is often just beginning. Sure, there’s a bit of a novelty, but even that wears off quickly. Sometimes sex starts to feel good or even great, but once it is no longer new, it is nothing special.
I can’t tell you or guess what the sex was like with your husband and the other woman. But I can tell you that not everyone says that loving sex was always good. Many will tell you that it was nothing special, but that it was okay with them because intercourse was not the attraction. The way the other person managed to make them feel was attraction. Or the relief they felt from some stressor or deficiency was the draw.
