In September 2015, my daughter called to share some life-changing news. She said, “hi dad”! I immediately felt concern and fear in his voice. Even though my daughter is 41 years old and leading her own life quite successfully, the parental instinct within me to be there to care for her was shattered by what she had to tell me. “Dad, I found lumps in my breast that weren’t there two months ago. I’m going to the doctor for a biopsy to determine if this could be cancer.” The now possible threat to his life and everything we have shared together was very humiliating to me and the thoughts I had that I should be able to fix it.
Every empathic connection I had with her was intensely focused on telling me what she was experiencing. Disbelief, denial, and anger were her emotional reactions to unwanted thoughts about what her future might be. His perception of life had just changed, as this was a possible threat to the very core of his physical being. I seemed to feel the same sensations of emotional energy moving through my body and I wanted to scream: No! Not! Not! Suddenly, a part of the paternal identity that I was linked to for so many years was also threatened. However, he was still unwilling to give in. In the automatic reaction I heard my thoughts, “She has too much to give to the world. Why would her path be interrupted with such unpleasant potential? This is not fair! There must be some miracle she can find!” As most parents can relate, I was owning his challenge. Many questions came to mind with a desperate desire for answers. I began to embrace these mental, emotional, and physical responses as if their physical health were my own physical reality. I had a lot of confusion to resolve and I was determined to do it.
I have an attachment to her and our special and loving connection. She’s my daughter. She is my possession in this life. I helped create, teach, and nurture her into adulthood. Now this beautiful relationship could be forced to change with the threat of cancer. At the very least, this could change our outlook on life and how we have learned to relate to each other. Why should we anticipate a more unpleasant way of life? Fear prevailed! I did not like the change that was imposed on him. In resisting this, my reaction was a desire to control or prevent any unpleasant results.
So I began to ponder the truth of this. I have been teaching metaphysics for 13 years and have direct experience of intentionally changing my thoughts to make the disease go away. I have studied and gained a firm understanding that our thoughts cause our experiences, including illness. Through this learning, I have gained a spiritual awareness that there is a higher purpose for her illness, higher than my desire to save her and our relationship as we know it. Then I realized that my initial reaction came from my attachment to preserving the comfortable and close relationship that we had created together. At the same time, I was experiencing the voice of my inner knowing that said, “I must surrender to the truth.” He was reluctant to look at or accept his circumstances of a higher existence. I did not like that choice. I certainly didn’t want to admit the fact that my daughter might have a life-threatening illness. I could feel his emotions as if they were mine. However, my inner awareness reminded me that when I identify with my soul’s perspective, this is actually a neutral experience for its soul learning and growth.
I needed to renounce my identity, my ego’s attachment to possess it. This was his lesson to learn, as much as he hated it. Giving up my need to hold onto my identity as a dad with the need to protect her, I began to accept that superior relationship with her. I was gaining a spiritual perspective learning what it is to share compassion, even unconditional love between two souls.
This is the reality that I have been waking up to for years. I have come to realize that there is a greater purpose for our existence than just the physical life in which we participate. We learn to accept each other, to eliminate our separation and judgments, to know the connection and unconditional love necessary to support the growth of the soul of others. In this I have come to realize that there is a greater love that I can have for my daughter as a soul, both of us supporting each other on our journey together.
This is not a religious perspective that I have cultivated, but one that I have developed, awakening to be more expanded in my consciousness. I am aware of my origin and my purpose for being here. I have expanded my conscious awareness to know first that I am a soul, that I live in this body and direct my brain. I know that my daughter is also a soul and her soul’s purpose in being here is different from mine, except that like me, she is here to learn, grow and evolve. Our souls are here to help each other. My surrender is releasing my physical attachment to possessing her so that we can receive a higher existence together.
There is only one perspective to honor, that of the soul. This spiritual image of my soul and my true existence does not take away the pain and suffering. But it puts me in a frame of mind to understand the learning that must be had. This understanding neutralizes the pain and I am grateful for the growth.
