If you think diamonds are expensive today, this was especially true before the late 19th century, before large diamond deposits were discovered in Africa. Coincidentally, this great diamond discovery occurred during the industrial revolution. This combination of increased personal wealth for the bourgeoisie and an increase in supply caused the increase in the use of diamonds as engagement rings that we see today. In the United States, 80% of engagement rings are set with a diamond.
Throughout much of history, engagement rings were simple bands made of the best material the couple could afford. During the pioneer days, when the Puritans settled the country, this was a thimble that was carried until the wedding day, after which the top was cut off to create a ring. With the rise of the middle class, a gold band became the standard choice, giving way to the modern gold band with a diamond setting. With the rise of higher quality materials and higher prices, laws were increased to protect buyers.
Different areas of the world and states in the US have different laws regarding the giving of an engagement ring. In the UK, the wedding ring is considered a gift and if the engagement is broken, the woman is not legally required to return the ring. In some states and countries, the engagement ring becomes her property only after the marriage takes place, so she is legally obligated to return the ring if the marriage breaks up.
In some areas, the person who breaks up the marriage can make a difference in how the law is applied. For example, if the woman cancels it, she is legally obligated to return it.
Several cases have been filed in court over an engagement ring that did not end in marriage. Here you can’t help but think that if you can’t settle that matter out of court, it’s a good thing they didn’t get married!
Here is a case from New South Wales taken from Wiki:
A case in New South Wales, Australia ended when the man sued his ex-fiancée for throwing the ring away after he told her she could keep it, even though the marriage proposal fell through. The New South Wales High Court held that despite what the man said, the ring was still a conditional gift (partly because he said she could keep it was partly due to his desire to save the relationship) and he was ordered to pay her Cost of A$15,250.
At $15,250, that’s probably worth fighting for!
A diamond engagement ring is a relatively recent tradition. It’s nice to be able to afford one, but you shouldn’t bend over backwards and go madly into debt for it. In the early 20th century, the largest diamond company, DeBeers, marketed the idea of 2-3 months’ salary as the “right” amount to spend. How long will it take you to save that amount? How much is that? Let’s say you make 30,000, that’s 5,000-7,500 for a ring. That amount will give you a very large diamond, much larger than most people have. In fact, as of 2007, the average spend on an engagement ring was $2,100, much more reasonable. Spending just that $2100 gets you a very nice ring.
Remember that this is a token of your love, not a way to outdo your neighbors. Yet somehow that DeBeers benchmark has stuck, leaving most groomsmen feeling guilty for taking their means. For something really special, buy a diamond within your savings (say 1 month’s earnings) and use a local bank jeweler for a quality custom setting. Practicality and prudence are also valuable, and I’m sure she will appreciate it too.
