All over the world, buying and selling involves negotiation. This article asks, “Why?” then he analyzes the negotiation from a singularly anti-American perspective.
For years, I was an excellent negotiator and even taught how to negotiate in American companies and in higher education. I enjoyed the challenge of paying as little as I could for something or selling it as much as I could.
Then something happened. I stopped negotiating. The idea of haggling over the price of something lost its luster and I soon became a rusty negotiator.
The turning point came after I moved to California and had my first “interview” with a member of the Highway Patrol. I was speeding up and following too closely. Somehow, that ticket was the first of many that I had to pay for. I believe the funds were used to fund a carpool lane. In any case, I stopped trying to get out of them.
A decade later, after caring for my father who had Alzheimer’s and reflecting on my late parents’ money saving habit, I asked, “Why?” Although their savings would support my father until he passed away at age 90, they lived a frugal life with less than a handful of vacations amid hard work and sacrifice.
During those years, I remember my mother’s continued encouragement to make sure I negotiated a good deal.
When a black market hawker in Taipei tried to sell me a Patek Philippe watch for $ 125 in the 1980s, I bargained even though I knew the authentic handmade Swiss watch would cost a lot more.
Today I see it differently. I ask him, “What is it worth to me?”
When an Armenian artist was selling a Khor Virap painting at Vernisage in Armenia, I was unable to negotiate even though my host encouraged me to do so. The country of my ancestors continues to grow stronger as an independent republic and I wanted to support its citizens. I paid full price. It felt strange and yet liberating. Although I rarely want to have art, it was worth bringing home that artist’s rendition from the monastery on the plain of Ararat.
On the other hand, when a reputable tree removal service quoted $ 2,000 to cut down a tree next to my house, I realized that the price was not worth it to me. Instead, I told the contractor that the challenge of climbing the tree limbs and cutting them myself was now more appealing and reminded me of my youth. The contractor warned me that remembering my youth from almost four decades ago could cost me a lot more if I fell from the tree. I laughed heartily. But the appeal of my youth was greater than the $ 1,250 difference with what I was willing to pay. Despite the bad economy, it wasn’t worth it for him to have a 3-man team drive 35 miles to our house to cut it down for less. He left on good terms. Since then, my husband and I have safely cut problematic branches from the tree.
Why don’t more of us buy and sell based on what it’s worth to us? Determining that something is worth to us it is a way of dealing with integrity. Also, we do not risk being offended because the value is what we are willing to pay for the item. If there is no common ground, there is no deal.
You would never pay the five-figure price for a Patek Philippe handmade watch. It may be worth the hundreds of hours it takes to make one, but that level of craftsmanship just isn’t worth it to me. I would feel much better using that money to give to a caregiver.
What is it worth to you? Start asking this question and you will be surprised how comfortable and secure you will feel when trying to buy or sell something.
Pamper me with this final example of a billionaire desperately in need of water.
Quality drinking water is increasingly scarce in many parts of the world. In contrast, tap water flows freely at pennies per gallon in most cities.
Over the years, we have become used to paying for bottles of water. At an outdoor event, to quench our thirst, we can pay $ 2 for the same bottle of water that we would buy for 20 cents in a box.
Would we be willing to pay more?
Again it depends.
Far from civilization, the plane chartered by a billionaire runs out of fuel. The pilot makes an emergency landing in the desert between two warring nations. Days go by and search teams are unable to reach the plane due to the conflict. With supplies dwindling and a crew refusing to leave the plane, the billionaire heads out into the desert in search of water. Three days pass and he is very weak and with watery eyes. He tries to concentrate when he sees a figure in the distance. Soon, an old man with dark, weathered skin stands over him. His clothing is torn and looks worn, but tied to his chest is a bulky leather bag filled with water.
What is the value for the billionaire to take a drink of that old man’s water?
Would you negotiate? I doubt it.
How much would you be willing to pay that old man for a glass of water that saved his life? $ 1,000? $ 10,000? $ 100,000?
That is why negotiating does not make sense. Negotiations do not reflect the real value or value of something between two parties who come from different places and points of view.
We need to take responsibility and decide what value we place on the things we buy and sell. If we practice this, we will end up with more things we need rather than things we don’t really want.
“Un-American,” you say. Maybe not. Also, the deal is much less stressful and more satisfying when we ask, “What is it worth to me?”
