Relational satisfaction: the perennial issue. It will never go away. The nexus of our relationships when it comes to influence can be adequately described through two leadership outcomes; a positive and intrinsically motivating one, generating growth; the other negative, which requires extrinsic motivation; one that suffocates relational Y personal growth.
I love how academia often describes what we already implicitly know, but need words and thought constructs.
The premise discussed here is leadership theory, but it works in any setting as it describes the charismatic individual who uses reason and logic to good effect and wins most, if not all, of their relational results; they inspire others, are fun to be around, and generally a pleasure to associate with.
Five Models of Power Leadership in Relationships…the five powers are: personal-positional-expert-reward-coercive. Two are positive, often to be used. These are personal and expert power. The other three are negative, rarely used. These are positional, reward, and coercive powers.
personal and expert power
The blend of personal warmth, virtuous attributes, and appropriately applied knowledge, often attributed as wisdom, is attractive in relationships–all of them–except in exceptional circumstances.
People seem to appreciate reason and logic almost all the time in those with whom they are dealing. As a universal, it intuits both respect and trust. Expert power is the most seductive power.
Positional, reward and coercive power
The mixture of authoritarianism, carrots extended and consequences issued, plus the action of coercion is destructive in relationships–all of them–except in exceptional circumstances.
People who force their way in end up making more bad decisions than good ones in the long run.
Summary of two very different styles of interaction
1. What wins most easily in relationships is good information used effectively and fairly. Then there is dealing with friendly and assertive people, which is quickly followed by times when we form coalitions with others; Finally, haggling and negotiating with people can be a lot of fun.
2. What puts us on the wrong track is when people routinely enforce others’ compliance, enforcing levels of authority and implementing ritualized sanctions and punishments. This becomes serious, predictable, ‘too serious’ and demotivating.
The theory works in the workplace, at home with family, in leisure time with friends, just everywhere. Apply the intelligent use of information and your attractive personal charm, in that order, consistently, with just weird but applicable use of coercive and forced tactics when under true “team” pressure. Do this and in any relationship role in life you will tend to be successful.
