Whether it’s caring for the elderly, the return of adult children to the nest, divorce, remarriage, or the job of both parents, today’s family inevitably faces a host of changes that can cause stress. In the home.
My husband and I enjoyed our alone time after our children grew up and left. Although I was still working, we had a lot of free time to enjoy our home and little trips. Our children and their families seemed fine; our only living father, my mother, lived alone a few hours away. We couldn’t foresee any major changes in our lives.
Without warning, Mom fell ill during a visit to our home and was admitted to the hospital. His situation became critical for several weeks; we weren’t sure if he could go home. After that, the only recourse was for him to live with us. At first Mother’s care was minimal and we continued with our daily routines. Soon our relationship deteriorated as I gradually had to take on more responsibilities. Their dietary needs were different; her ability to care for herself was limited; and seemed to have endless medical needs.
Yes, there were times when I wanted to raise my hands and say, “I quit.” I loved my mother and my family and it was difficult for me to juggle all the responsibility. I hope you find the following tips helpful as you face the challenges in your life; They helped me keep things in perspective on those difficult days.
1. Recognize your responsibilities. It is your responsibility to maintain a clean and healthy environment. You are not responsible for how each person adapts to changing situations. You will never be Wonder Woman making everyone happy all the time!
2. Free yourself from guilt. For example, if you have insisted that a parent leave home, it is not your fault that they cannot take care of themselves. While they may accuse you of taking their home away from them, you must continue to show them love and respect, safe in the knowledge that you did the best you could. Keep in mind: you are not perfect and neither are the rest of the family. You will make mistakes and so will they.
3. Communicate with the whole family. After several years in my mother’s care, I realized that my husband needed to be more informed about what his care entailed. As I became more open about his needs, he began to see little ways he could help. It felt good to be a part of her care. Even if your family members cannot help, you should tell them what is happening.
4. Accept things as they are. We cannot go back and change events. I wanted my mother to hug me and tell me that everything was fine. She, at that time, did not recognize me as her daughter. I had to love and care for her regardless of whether or not she knew who I was.
5. Seek support. This is so important. The amazing truth is, no matter what your situation is, someone else has been there.
I am still in awe of the influence a mother has on the home environment. There is some truth in the saying: “If Mom is not happy, no one is happy.” You have a responsibility to take care of yourself as you take care of others.
