Knowing whether or not you are gay is not an easy question for everyone to answer. Some people feel confident about their sexual orientation from an early age and others take much longer to discover it.
In the end, only you will be able to decide whether or not you are gay, but there are some questions and information that you can consider as you try to sort out your feelings.
What does it mean to be gay?
Homosexuals are sexually attracted and may fall in love with other people of the same sex. They may also feel a certain degree of attraction to another gender, but they identify as homosexual. One person may realize that they are gay from a very young age, and others may find out much later. Some gay youth may feel different, but are not sure why or how they differ from their friends or peers.
Forget what you think you know about homosexuals
There are many stereotypes about gay people, but like any stereotype, they cannot be assumed to be true for all people. There is no particular mannerism or look that is “gay”. Like any group of people, preferences, appearance, interests, and style vary greatly from person to person.
Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean that everyone will automatically know. Most gay people don’t wear signs proclaiming their orientation, and you probably already know a lot of people who are gay, but just don’t fit the ‘gay stereotype’.
What do my sexual fantasies mean?
Sexual fantasies are not always easy to interpret, but research has shown that many people who do not identify as gay have had same-gender fantasies at some point. Just because you can fantasize about a same-gender sexual experience doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay. Also, many young people have many intense sexual fantasies about different people and situations. Usually, as they get older, their feelings and orientation will become clearer.
Sexuality is fluid.
If you are trying to make sense of your feelings, it might help to know that sexuality doesn’t just fall into two categories: gay or straight. The best understanding we have of sexuality is that it is fluid and highly individual. Some people feel 100% gay or 100% straight, while others may feel like they are somewhere on the gay-straight continuum.
Unfortunately, no one can tell you 100% if you are gay or not, only you can know. But there are a few more questions you can consider. When you dream or have a fantasy, is it usually about the same sex? Do you have romantic and loving feelings towards someone of the same gender? Do you feel different from others who are of the same gender? Do you usually have strong feelings for the same sex?
Even if your answers to these questions are yes, you may still not feel clear about your sexual orientation. It’s fine. It may take you some time to be sure of this. For many people, it is helpful to communicate with other people who have been in the same position. Seeking community support through an LGBT organization online or in your area can help clarify some of your feelings. Check online for assistance near you.
One thing you need to know: If you are straight, gay, or bisexual, it is absolutely okay to be who you are.
