Breakups are hard, especially if you’ve been dumped. But one thing you may not realize is that your ex boyfriend or girlfriend is experiencing almost exactly the same kinds of feelings that you are currently experiencing. Emotional ties do not dissolve overnight and feelings take time to fade. By using this to your advantage, you can make your ex want you back even when the circumstances seem almost hopeless.
There are four main phases that a person goes through when a relationship ends. You already know how your feel, so it’s time to examine how does your ex feel in order to determine your best approach to recover them.
Stage 1 – Detachment
Remember when your ex sat you down to break up with you? Although this may have come as a shock to you, your ex spent a lot of time making this decision days or even weeks in advance. He or she knew what was coming and, unlike you, was already prepared for it. In short, your ex boyfriend or girlfriend started breaking up with your relationship long before you had a chance to do the same.
This gave your ex an emotional advantage in dealing with you during the breakup. Your ex knew what you would say, how you would react, and what kind of protest you could offer to keep him around. Your boyfriend or girlfriend was prepared to counter your every move or plea, and they had an escape route planned. They had broken up long before you, and this immediately put you in a position of weakness.
So what can you do during the detachment stage that will help you get your ex back? Essentially, you also need to distance yourself emotionally. The quicker you can accept the breakup instead of fighting it, the quicker you can agree with your ex’s decision to end things, the easier it will be to move on to the next stage of reconciliation. Many people get stuck here because they refuse to break up and think that by holding on to the relationship as tightly as possible they can prevent their boyfriend or girlfriend from breaking up with them. Not so.
Stage 2 – Avoidance
Is your ex boyfriend or girlfriend ignoring you? Don’t take it as a sign of disinterest. It’s very common for an ex to go out of his way to avoid seeing or hearing from you, especially if he was the one who started the breakup. Your ex is probably feeling weird or uncomfortable with you right now and he doesn’t know how to handle contact of any kind.
The avoidance stage is definitely not the time to move on. You can’t force your ex to see you and you can’t blame him so that he wants to talk to you again. No matter how much you want to see his ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend right now, you need that meeting to happen. on your own terms. Setting up such a meeting before your ex is ready to see you will only lead to further avoidance and resentment.
Stage 3 – Longing
After being apart for a while, your ex will start thinking about you again. This is a natural reaction to being away from someone with whom you shared such an intimate connection, and both you and your ex will feel some desire to be together again, even temporarily.
Getting your ex to want you back is all about making him miss you. You need your ex to think about your past relationship, and ideally this should happen on her own behalf. As time goes by, your ex will tend to remember the good times you shared together and the great things you did as a couple. These are the memories that will rebuild your relationship and ultimately make your ex see a future with you again.
The worst thing you can do during this stage of the breakup is try to “be there” for your ex. Sticking around and being friendly with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend will only reduce their desire to see you. It’s always best to stay away from your ex’s current situation, as this will create a void in their life where you used to be. If you are always in sight, your ex will never have a chance to miss you.
Stage 4 – Repentance
Left unchecked, your ex boyfriend or girlfriend will eventually reach a point where they regret being without you. These can be temporary feelings, triggered on a lonely night or a moment of weakness… or they can be much more substantial. there are certain signs and signals issued when your ex is reconsidering a relationship with you again, and to give yourself the best chance at reconciliation, you need to know what they are.
Regret can be fleeting, but it’s something you can help build on. By giving your ex a reason to want to get back together, you can increase their need and desire to see you. There are certain adjustments you can make that will get your ex boyfriend or girlfriend interested in you again, even if it seems like they’ve already moved on. Learning these adjustments can mean the difference between getting your ex back or losing him forever.
