As you get older (year after year, if not faster), looking in the mirror, does your face match the image of yourself in your mind’s eye?
Many do not like to look in the mirror as they age (40, 50, 60 …). They would have preferred to stay young forever.
But even if your face is changing, it is very possible that you yourself are not: you continue to “do” life and relationships as you used to do until now; you are motivated by the same fears and needs that have driven you up to now; He applies the same self-sabotaging behaviors in his dating and relationships, the same ones that have caused him to fail in so many relationships.
So why do you continue with the same old behavior patterns? Why don’t you change while your face, and probably your body, change?
The reason is simple: you apparently don’t have much control over your face and body. They advance along the regular path of nature, of maturity, which causes them to change (often, to their dislike). But your emotions and behaviors could be, if you want, under your control. They don’t change unless you choose to change them. They are constantly the same unless you realize they could do you more harm than good in your dating and relationships and decide to make a change.
All of this means that no matter how old you are, the way you “do” relationships can be consistent over the years. If you are a controlling person, you continue to control your partners; if you are a manipulative person, you are still manipulative; if you are submissive, you are still submissive; And if you are escaping from being alone, you will continue to “fall” to whoever crosses your path, just so that you are not alone.
The sad side of this story is that no matter how often such behaviors and tendencies of yours have hurt you and sabotaged your relationships, there seems to be no way you can run away from them. The reason is that running away from them is almost like running away from oneself. They have become an integral part of you; rooted in your emotions, attitudes, behaviors, find refuge in the subjective perception that you have developed towards yourself and towards your partners.
Why don’t you change if it is you Who sabotages your relationships over and over again? The simple reason is that you are unconscious of the fact that you are the culprit. You often find it easy to blame your partners (and / or external circumstances) instead of looking inward and taking responsibility.
Nobody likes to blame themselves, and if you are like everyone else (even though you may think you are different), you also would not like to blame yourself for the failure of your relationships. Instead, you may come up with a thousand and one reasons to fail: this partner was not the right one for you; the moment was not good; another partner has had too many problems in the past and a third was too demanding, or too needy, or too who knows what!
All of this may be true. But this is only part of the picture, part of the reasons why their relationships fail. One of the main reasons could be that you are responsible for the failure of your relationships. You see, as much as you think you want to have a pleasant and fulfilling intimate relationship, it is quite possible that you do not know how to develop and maintain one; that is what you are does not count from the unhealthy fears, needs, attitudes, reactions, and behaviors that you bring into your relationships that eventually make them fail.
In fact, admitting that this might be the case might not be easy. But how do you know this is not the case – what are you not responsible for the failure of your relationships, as long as you have not examined yourself well, your patterns, the fears and needs that control you and drive you, in one way or another, to damage and sabotage the time of your relationships and again?
Looking in the mirror and seeing your face and body, even if you don’t like what you see as the years go by, is one thing. Looking in the mirror and observing your inner self It is much more difficult, but it can be much more important to a successful relationship.
So while you continue to live to find a partner with whom to develop a serious, loving, and successful intimacy, the best thing you can do for yourself is look within; become aware of whatever is causing you to fail and gather the courage to make the necessary changes. This is when you will feel empowered to find a partner with whom to develop the relationship you hope for.
