Once upon a time there was a young prince who met a beautiful young maiden in a distant village while riding his stallion throughout the fiefdom. She was slim and shapely, with long hair and smooth skin. The prince fell madly in love with her quickly because he mistook high testosterone levels for love. She feigned poise and confidence, but beneath the pretty surface was a girl of low self-esteem, and unbeknownst to the prince, her beloved was a dysfunctional child who secretly carried several suitcases of family luggage.
Before they could get married, the future princess began to have a big stomach, because she was ripe for a son. No one knew until the Princess had her first child, but as the years passed, her sin faded in everyone’s memory. The Prince and Princess were the perfect family in the Kingdom with 2.4 children. They had a nice house, an above-average carriage, and the princess always wore the latest French fashions. Over the years, he forgot his childhood and his poverty.
The rest of the story. . .
Unfortunately, not all things were as they appeared. The princess filed for divorce one day to the great dismay of the prince and the entire royal family. Many were surprised, but not all, because the princess had been telling white lies about the prince to her friends, brainwashing the servants in the castle dungeon and, together with her friends, started a secret organization forbidden for women in that day. Determined to rise above their high positions, the liberated princess and her friends decided they were entitled to more. No one in the organization could define “more”, but everyone agreed that they had the right to more, and with that as their motto, they created the National Organization of Princesses and Conjugal Units, using the acronym “NOPASS”, but only because no one in the organization he knew how to spell.
In keeping with her new theological philosophy, the princess proceeded to divorce the prince and sue him for everything he owned, including all of his real estate, his past, and his future. In addition, after requesting from the Royal Court all that the Prince owned, the Princess also requested from the Court the Maintenance of the Princess in the sum of 2.4 gold chests due in full on or before each full moon.
Impatient with the wooden wheels of Royal Court justice, the Princess implemented the advice of her Royal Committee on Exhortation and Culinary Secrets. The advice was to submit a petition under oath that the prince had physically attacked the princess and request her immediate eviction from the castle with a royal restraining order. Although the Prince had never raised his hand against the Princess, the Royal Court always assumed that such a request was true, and the Prince was prematurely evicted from his own Castle.
The prince sought the protection of the law of the land, but his squire told him that the best he could hope for was his life and a small cabin in the country. Assuming his lawyer was a genius, the Prince agreed, and the Royal Settlement Decree gave all of his real estate to the Princess, except for one piece encumbered by a 140% loan from KingdomWide Loan Company. The princess also kept all the castle furniture and personal belongings, although she agreed to let the prince have his royal underwear and all the debts of the kingdom.
Between the cash settlement and the attorneys’ fees, the prince had no royal funds. He was unable to pay the Princess Support payments because he had no gold left, and one day the RSHS (Royal Social & Health Services) took his license to drive a carriage, suspended his license to shoe horses and his only donkey was seized and sold. at a barn sale to a beggar for 50 cents. The Prince’s problems grew, because he had no funds to pay the previous royal income taxes (gift taxes were due on the debts the princess had given him), and the Infernal Royal Tax Service imposed a 50% fine. for all unpaid taxes, and 12% to accumulate on the unpaid balance until the Prince wins the Royal lottery or dies, whichever comes first.
The former prince had no money, no place to live, and had to find work cleaning horse stables in the village. No one believed that he had ever been a happy prince. He didn’t look or smell like a prince. With no money and no horse, the former Prince had no means to travel the many miles to visit his beloved sons. The princess subtly spread the news that the former prince was unfit, that he did not care about his children, and that he refused to fulfill his male responsibilities to support his family.
Meanwhile, the princess took her children on a long journey in the golden royal carriage to Paris and far away places. He ate exotic foods and laughed amid the entertainment of the jesters. Her children loved her because she made them feel happy and safe.
In the months that followed the royal execution and flogging. . . I mean the royal separation and divorce, the former prince, being sensitive and in touch with his emotions, became sad and felt very lonely. The princess, not missing an opportunity, quickly spread the rumor that the former prince had lost his mind and was bipolar. Many sycophants in the Kingdom complimented the Princess on her wisdom in divorcing the Prince and taking him for all she had.
The princess became a very wealthy landowner as real estate values appreciated and inherited all the remaining wealth from the royal family. Everyone worshiped the Princess all the days of her life, because she let them touch her gold and silver, and because she poured sweet words and kisses on them.
The memory of the former prince faded and his children grew up thinking of their father as a failure. They did not know what became of him, but they believed his mother, who told them that he had died in an asylum.
The former prince grew older and wiser through all his trials. He came to understand that life is not about things, but about relationships. He learned that life is not always fair. Wanting to help others and leave a legacy, the former prince never mentioned again that he had been a prince, swore to the priesthood, and became a strong advocate for asset protection and prenuptial agreements. The former prince taught these things at the monastery, and his seminaries became the most popular subjects taught at the monastery in over 1,100 years.
The end
