I get a lot of emails from women who find themselves in a very common and extremely painful situation: they are hanging or involved with married men. Many of them tell me that the reason they can’t leave is because the man is in a “bad” marriage or because the wife is even downright abusive.
If you can identify with this, there is something you should know. No matter how wonderful a man is, the ONLY thing that counts is whether or not he wants to be with you, permanently and completely. Also, a man who stays with an abusive woman wants, on a deep level, to be abused.
This means that if you are a good woman, even if he were to leave his wife, he would not be attracted to you and the stability you provide. Can you see this? It’s similar to the way many women are attracted to “bad boys” and abusive men.
On an intellectual level, he knows that he is horrible and that you are good and kind and sweet, but on a subconscious and visceral level he wants you to be abused. He turns it on somehow. He is not healthy, but then you know.
You are never too old for the relationship you want
I recently received an email from a woman in the same situation I described above: she was in love with a married man who was in a miserable and abusive marriage. She was also in her sixties and desperate that her love was going to pass her by and that this married man was her only chance for her romance.
If you can relate to her, I want you to know this important fact: you have plenty of time. I have worked with many women in their sixties who have found love, and much faster than you can imagine.
Online dating is a brilliant way to meet many men. Also forget about bars and find things that men do: golf, sports bars, sporting events, classes, conferences, computer classes… things like that interest you.
And if you live in a city that makes it impossible to find a good group of men, then you should consider moving.
Balance masculine and feminine
What you want to do is proactively get your inner “guy” into gear: out of the house, on dating sites, at singles events, and salsa dancing and speed dating.
But then the key is to be able to move from the masculine “doing” energy to the feminine “feeling” energy that is within you. This is what is extremely attractive, even irresistible, for a man.
That means that once you’re outside, you simply allow yourself to enjoy your surroundings and be fully present. You focus on the experience: if you are in a coffee shop, you really feel the foam of the cappuccino on your lips. You take it all. You lie back and let the men approach you. You let things happen and unfold naturally instead of jumping in and taking control.
I know that once you get out there and start letting men approach you, even the ones you might want to ignore from the start, your self-confidence will get a huge boost and you’ll feel much more attractive.
More importantly, you’ll stop depending on a married man who can never give you what you want…and you’ll open yourself up to receive all the love you deserve from a man who can.
